So my first post

     Emo girl-A girl who typically dresses in black, likes hard rock and metal, cuts herself, and is generally a recluse.

     I don't know if I actually fit the public opinion of an "emo" girl since I adore wearing black, but my parents forbid me from having an all-black wardrobe. They usually make me buy pink and brightly colored clothes. Of course I wear them or else that would be a waste. Typically, I wear black with the occasional...color. I mean like now, I'm wearing a black t-shirt and light blue jeans. I do wish my whole wardrobe was black though. Then I could just fade into the darkness and disappear.

      My taste in music...is rather varied. I like hard rock and rock but my opinion on metal is neutral. Occasionally I blast it to just tone everything out, stop the noises in the world for just a few minutes. The pounding of the drums, the loud noises, the screams, just help me block everything, stop my thoughts and let me rest. 

      Do I cut myself? Yeah. Am I proud of it? Not really. Am I going to stop? I don't know. I cut to stop the pain. Isn't that contradictory? I do not want to die. Not yet, not now. I don't display my scars. No one actually knows I do it. They have slight suspicions but no one really sees them as what they are. Some days, I just want to bleed. I just want it to flow out into the open and then disappear. Maybe something will happen. Maybe everything will be better. It never is though. I say I am not going to do it ever again, and I do it. 

      However...a recluse, that I am not. Everyone sees me as the bubbly girl, the one who is hyper and crazy and always happy. Happy. That is what they see. I smile because it is really pointless crying in front of people. They want some one who is happy. Who wants some one who is sad and mopey? No one right? I am waiting for some one to look at me and tell me to stop faking my smiles. I want some one to reject my smiles for once and not accept them as who I am. Isn't that stupid, waiting for some one to stop something I'm doing myself? Waiting for no one.

      My brother likes calling me emo as a joke. I'm always wearing a huge hoodie and I like black. He says I'm the emo freak. Am I? What is "emo" really? I have absolutely no idea and I'm asking these questions to empty cyberspace. Isn't that sad?